Gratitude…it is so under rated

As I sit here on the eve of our 15th wedding anniversary to the love of my life I am so grateful to have him as my partner in life.  Just three short weeks ago, I was racing home from Cape Cod to be at his side in the emergency room.  He had called me to tell me he wasn’t feeling well.  After I pressed him a little he admitted he was having “discomfort”, code word for chest pain.  I told him to call “911” and frantically started on my way home.  It was a long ride home with so many thoughts going through my head; making deals with God for everything to turn out OK and trying to keep my composure while avoiding getting a speeding ticket.  Tonight, nothing gives me more joy than to see him on the couch with Roxy and know he is recovering and still here.

About two months ago he and I both started eating healthier. His doctor had told him to stop eating flour, eliminate sugar (except naturally occurring sugar) and to just eat meat/fish, vegetables and fruit (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and apples).  In essence, we were starting toward the road of eating Paleo.  Since starting cardiac rehab we have both really gotten serious.  It has been a tough but a necessary shift in our eating.

As I said in an earlier post, the sugar break is hardest for me.  I thought I was doing OK until I wasn’t feeling well yesterday, morning.  I didn’t feel hungry when I left the house and didn’t pack a lunch.  Just before noon, I began to feel hungry.  I ordered a sandwich in a wrap and potato chips.  I don’t each chips often anyway but yesterday they did taste good.

Immediately after eating my lunch I was upset with myself.  How can you just lose perspective for those few moments and eat what you will regret 15 minutes later?  It really wan’t worth it.  When I got home and looked back on my day I realized what I had eaten and then realized two of my triggers…being tired and not planning. Wow.  How many times have I heard that when we get tired or run down we can start to crave carbs!  I guess it must be true!  I stopped beating myself up at that moment.

What a difference a good night’s sleep can make.  Today was better.  Tomorrow I will wake up and try again.  It is so much easier to make an error, self-correct and keep going.  Starting over is much harder that just straightening out my path.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to start and end each day with my husband by my side.  I am also grateful for the ability to change my perspective of “not starting over” but instead “self-correcting” and continuing.  God is good.  Life is good.

Note to self: always be sure your underwear fit before leaving the house for work

I know I already posted today but as this blog progresses you will probably see that I write from a stream of conscientiousness. 

Have you every had the unfortunate experience of finding out that your underwear don’t fit because they are cutting into you but you are not at home?  Oh, come on now.  Really?  Anyone that thinks a wedgie is bad has never had this happen.  I should have known there was a reason that the pair I put on this morning were at the bottom of the drawer.  Anyway, let.me.tell.you it is not comfortable.  So what are my options?  Its either go commando or go home.

Well I live too far from home and I am in too much pain so … what do you think I did? 

Day three and still kicking …

Well this blog thing is getting a little easier… just like changing my eating habits and going Paleo.  I have been dabbling in eating Paleo for some time now however, it was really just two days ago that I became ready and committed to eating that way.  I like to do everything perfect and 100% so this is a big challenge for me.  I don’t think it is so much a perfectionist thing for me; it is the competition or challenge to myself that makes me that way.  I can be rough on myself and need to learn its OK to not be “perfect” all the time but I don’t want to lose that competitive spirit that keeps me striving for more.  It is a balancing act.

So to paleo eating.  I had already eliminated grains from my diet before Tuesday, 15 October 2013.  I decided to start with that when I had read in several places about the inflammation effects they can have.  Well, I am proof that since I have eliminated them, my joints do not ache on a daily basis and that makes it all worth it.  I was beginning to believe that after turning 50 that my body was supposed to feel that way because I was “getting older.”  Well, I get a little older each day and don’t ache anymore.  I have reduced my dairy down to only 1/2 and 1/2 in my coffee.  That is going to be a tough change.  But the toughest one of all will be … SUGAR.  Yes that wonderful, sweet taste found in chocolate; my downfall.  With Halloween right around the corner, there are candy dishes all around the office.  I can’t get their screaming out of my head when I walk by one.  “Just take me.  One bite isn’t going to matter.”  Well I suppose it wouldn’t but when you walk by 5 dishes in 20 minutes it adds up. 

I have already read many suggestions for helping to beat sugar cravings but am open to more. 

Have a great weekend.  Here is a picture of how beautiful fall in New England is.

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“I’m gonna find my inner child and kick it’s little ass”

I was struggling today to figure out why I have been feeling frustrated and not working out.  I kept beating myself up and hearing all this negative chatter in my head.  I finally went to the gym and as I was exercising I remembered an inspirational quote I had seen on Facebook.  To paraphrase it, it was something like ” if you are tired of starting over, don’t give up (or quit or something like that).  And then it clicked!  The light went on!  I was feeling overwhelmed because the thought of starting over seemed so hard; not achievable.  I hadn’t been perfect so how was I going to get there?

There are so many things I want to do and I want to do them  all.at.once.  I want to eat Paleo, I want to get stronger and healthier (which will lead to weight loss) and I want to be more active.  And I want to document my way through all this stuff.  As a scrapbooker and a photographer, I am looking forward to it.

So I kicked my ass and started this blog tonight. It’s not going to be pretty all the time but … what the heck.  I guess that is one of the benefits of being over 50; you get to put it out there and accept it for what it is.  Get ready for my ups and downs about eating, exercising, dealing with my depression…and any other aspect of my life that comes up.